This latest piece isn’t really a part of it, more a little note.
TRIGGER WARNING: THIS BLOG POST CONTAINS DETAILS OF DEPRESSION. PLEASE BE MINDFUL BEFORE CONTINUING.
I wasn’t going to write this blog, but I’m always messaged and tweeted and emailed because of my brutal honesty on my little space of the internet, so soz for being miserable.
When I started this series, I wanted to make it my mission to share stories once a fortnight from people who battle all manner of mental health related problems. Giving a voice to people who may not necessarily feel they have one is so important to me, especially if it helps them come to terms with what’s going on up there. I’ve had a lot of comments from people who have really enjoyed the series, and how it’s made them feel more ordinary knowing there are others out there like them.
Recently, I’ve hit a bit of a brick wall with my mental health. A couple of Thursdays ago, I got out of the bath without conditioning my hair because the feeling of water on my skin was making me feel physically sick, and then proceeded to throw two large candles across the room because I couldn’t get a cat hair off my arm. From that, I think we can all agree that anxiety wasn’t under control and I’m officially bat-shit crazy. Aside from honouring plans I made a while ago, I’d spend all of my free time in bed, either crying or being angry or wanting to cease to exist. (NB – not to be confused with wanting to harm myself, simply just become an inanimate object with no responsibilities for a while, like a lamp or a coffee table.) It’s clear to me that I’m having a hard time keeping my brain in check at the moment, so I need to work on that. These feelings are slowly seeping in to every aspect of my life again, but I’m still going to work 5 days a week, so there’s that!
Reading and sharing other people’s stories gives me a feeling like no other. I’m proud of these men and women, comforted that they feel the same as me, I’m sad with them and happy with them. Sometimes, though, it’s hard to read their stories and not be triggered. Being incredibly empathetic by nature, I feel other’s emotions on a very personal level and it can be difficult to remember that those feelings aren’t mine.
I decided to be selfish for a month or so, which is why I haven’t blogged, or posted anybody else’s stories. I’m feeling much better for it, I’ve been exercising and eating healthier. Mental health is a lot like playing Monopoly, occasionally you pull a really shit Chance card and it takes a while to get yourself back on the board. Not putting any pressure on myself has been a treat, and I’m ready to get back to it.
The next #ThatsMentalHealth instalment will go live next Monday. In the meantime, click here to read the last one.